When I hear the word ‘prankster’, my mind immediately thinks of The Mask and Bart Simpson. They might have hearts of gold, but they’re real jerks. However, it’s not just imaginary characters who like to make people’s lives difficult — there are plenty of jokester animals out there, too. Chief among them are birds. And they’re just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and ruin your day. A pity they’re usually the only ones laughing at their horrible jokes.
If you ever thought that all the types of birds are sweet, innocent, and fluffy, well, we can tell you that the only animals in the world like that are pandas. No, no, we’re not biased. Not one bit. You have to believe us. [Hides panda flag].
To show you the hidden dark side that dwells within the hearts of all birbs out there, Bored Panda presents to you this list, freshly forged in the halls of our Editorial Department. Upvote the jerkiest pet birds, let us know in the comments which ones you think are the worst offenders, and warn your friends that birds are not as cute as they seem!
#1 Angry Cockatoo Tears Down Anti-Bird Spikes And Throws Them To The Ground
#2 This Bird Waits For My Coworker To Show Up Every Morning. Then Spends The Day Looking At Itself In The Mirror And Shitting
#3 Nice Paint Job. Be A Shame If Someone…
You might be willing to give our flying feathered friends a pass, but there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that birds can be real cretins. Just like some people. Sometimes worse. From aggressive behavior to unquenchable greed, one look at these funny birds will have you thinking its an apt representation of what human society would look like after the Apocalypse. And if birds are distant descendants of dinosaurs, I’d rather not think of the dastardly pranks that a T-Rex and his pals would pull if they were ever cloned!
#4 I Don’t Think This Bird Can Read
#5 Classic
#6 This Photo Of A Pelican Trying To Eat My Phone
It’s not just us who think birds are idiots. Scientists are on our side. Taki’s Magazine writes about the very worst flying egomaniacs who don’t care about anyone but themselves. Take hummingbirds as an example. The egoistically smart birds are so greedy, they claim bird feeders, and won’t let anyone else near them. Not even for a taste.
#7 Just Try To Frigging Cage Me Again
#8 [Screw] This Tree In Particular
#9 So.. Did The Bunny Grow Wings And Go To Heaven?
Now, are you ready for something spooky and chilling about crows? I warn you, you’ll never look at them the same again. Crows are, apparently, the living embodiments of gluttony. They eat everything. And I mean everything. From garbage to tiny, beautiful baby birbs. Crows have a special appetite for robins and bluebirds. I did warn you.
#10 Taken One Second Before Disaster
#11 This Goose Is Fery Angry
#12 This Bird [friggin] Hates Spelling
Oh, and if you thought that the majestic bald eagles are exempt from criticism, think again. They’re such jerks that even other birds think they’re jerks. Bald eagles are so inept at hunting, they usually steal other birds’ prey or eat carrion, like vultures. Yuck.
#13 Bird Trying To Snack On The Family Pet
#14 Sometimes When Billy Is With His Friends He Can Be A Bit Mischievous
#15 This Happened
Not to mention some of the biggest meanies around — Canada geese and swans. Canada geese are legendary for their aggressive animal behavior and are known for how often they attack people. Though, according to USA Today, they only do so because people are expanding into their territory and getting too close to their eggs or newborn birbs. The same goes for swans: though they’re graceful and beautiful, they will stop at nothing to defend their kids if anyone gets near them.
If you ever see a hummingbird eyeing your ice-cream or a crow looking at you funny — drop everything and run. Hide. And lock the doors. Otherwise, you might be another victim of jerk birds.
#16 The Australian Firehawks
Australian firehawks proactively spread wildfires. Observers report both solo and cooperative attempts, often successful, to spread wildfires intentionally via single-occasion or repeated transport of burning sticks in talons or beaks. After succesfully spreading the fire, the “firehawks” are able to pick out fleeing prey or mung on the charred remains of those critters who didn’t make it out in time.
#17 Who’s Laughing Now Ass****?
#18 “Is This Cake Batter?!” *dunks Entire Head In*
#19 Yoink!
#20 Basically A Summary Of What Its Like To Own A Bird
#21 Keeps Pecking The Window And Shouting At Me While I’m Trying To Work. D**k
#22 Payback To The Masters
#23 This Hawk Has Approximately Zero F**ks To Give About The Bees
#24 It Looks Better On The Floor, Karen
#25 So This Dick Takes The Best Parking Spot Today
#26 From The National Aquarium Of New Zealand
#27 Sister Wanted To Pet Chicken, Chicken Disagreed
#28 Mr. Steal Your Fries
#29 Just A Nibble
#30 Birds Being Jerks
#31 Stretch Swan
#32 Look At This Jerk
#33 “Guess I’ll Nest On This [friggin] Coffee” – Pigeon
#34 Birds Being Jerks
#35 No Hooman You All Will Not Facetime Without Me!
#36 This Adorable Little Asshole Eating My Sammich While Standing On The Goddamn Piece Of Bread I Gave Him
#37 It Looks Like Dozens Of Birds Decided To Sh*t On One Car At My Work
#38 Theft Bird
#39 Yoink
#40 My Friend Took This Down At The Beach The Other Day… Need I Say More?
#41 The Cement Wasn’t Dry Yet..but Who Cares If You’re This Bird…
#42 A Hawk Used My Car As A Dinner Plate This Morning
#43 Duck Gives No Ducks
#44 Incoming!
#45 Beware Of The Cobra Chicken
#46 Making My Son Cry Because She Stole His Sucker. And The Look In Those Eyes Is Pure Evil
#47 This Goose Blocking The Road
#48 Get A Load Of This Ass****…
#49 Trying To Take A Picture Posing With The Birds
#50 Seagull Attack
