Once birds find an attractive place to nest, high up away from predators, ideally with some shelter and a little warmth, they will go to great lengths to keep it. I mean, wouldn’t you if you were in their position?
Imgur user atomicrabbit2 discovered this to his cost, after moving into a lovely new house with a cozy gas heater. The exhaust was nicely tucked away in a corner, presenting an ideal place for birds to settle in and make themselves at home. And so the bird wars began. Envisioning a simple solution to his problem, atomicrabbit2 started off with some basic bird blocking techniques. Needless to say, it quickly escalated from there and continues to this very day, 4 years later.
Scroll down to check out how it all unfolded below, and let us know what you think in the comments!
“My 4-year battle with birds”
“So we bought a new house. This house has a nice gas fireplace and the exhaust was tucked neatly away near the back door. The problem was, the little nook appeared to be a perfect place for birds to nest because of the protection of the roof and heat from the fireplace”
“August 2018: The first time I noticed the little guys, they caught me off guard, but thought nothing of it. They were just trying to keep warm, I figured. They startled easily and flew away whenever I would walk in/out of my back door, which scared the shit outta me. At first I ignored it, but they started shitting and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust”
“March 2019: Next spring, I decided to wrap the exhaust in chicken wire (Iteration 1). I was proud of the tidy, little wrap I did, patted myself on the back and figured that was it…”
“May 2019: Apparently it wasn’t. They found a nice little crevice on top of the exhaust to build a neat, little nest. Ok fine. No babies, so nest is gone. Easy enough”
“The bird came back the very next day. Cleared it out and they didn’t seem to come back for the rest of the season. Awesome!”
“May 2020: ….”
“Ok this is getting annoying. So I added bird spikes on top which I figured would keep them out for good. NOPE. They came back with a vengeance. It not only didn’t keep them away, but the spikes seemed to stabilize their nest. This time they brought coloured twine! I cleaned out the nest, next day they came back with more blue twine. Cleaned it out, and THEY CAME BACK AGAIN WITH MORE GODDAMNED TWINE.. They must have had a stock pile somewhere”
“June 2020: HA! You want to f*ck with me? Fine… MORE BIRD SPIKES, B*TCHES! No way they’ll build anything no—
“May 2021: F*ck”
“July 2021: f*ck f*ck f*ck”
“Wrapped the entire opening at the top”
“I’m smarter than you, bitc—”
“May 2022: what the absolute f*ck??! HOWWWW???!! So apparently, I left a small opening on the right side. Those birds were flying up into their now high-end GATED F*CKING COMMUNITY!”
“May 2022: Meet Dr. Who. He scared the hell out of those birds and they haven’t been back since”
“July 2022: closing the gap on the right side just for good measure. They gave me a run for my money and it’s not pretty, but after 4 years, lots of bird shit and 6 iterations, I think this will be the final one. If I see them back next year, I may just give in and try to charge them rent”
